Define or Refine

by Sharon Swing, Co-Author of Listen to My Life

In the movie, “Because of Winn Dixie,” a young girl says to a new, older companion, “The most important thing you need to know about me is that I don’t have a mama.”

As a viewer, my heart sinks as she says those words that reveal so much about the identity she has assumed. She sees herself as unlovable, unlikeable and somehow at fault for her mom’s decision to leave the family.  A choice, not of her own making, has defined her.

She tells herself this story about who she is, and she believes it.  More importantly, she lives out of it.

•    “I am divorced.”
•    “I am a cancer patient.”
•    “I am an ex-con.”
•    “I am an adult child of an alcoholic.”
•    “I am just a housewife.”
•    “I am unemployed.”
•    “I am a widower.”
•    “I am A.D.H.D.”
•    “I am a failure.”

These are just a few of the kinds of opinions, events or circumstances that a person can allow to define who they are.  They may or may not be accurate descriptions, but they are not appropriate definitions of one’s identity.  They may be subplots of a story that serve in some way to refine a person, but they do not define one’s identity.

The stories we tell ourselves, about ourselves, are of critical importance, because we make assumptions and decisions based on those stories.  If one believes they are a failure, they will seldom believe in themselves enough to even try.  If a person defines himself as a cancer patient, they may obscure their view of their what they have to offer the world, even with – and because of - the condition of their illness.

God would never use these descriptions to define who He made someone to be.

Here is what God says is true about you:

•    “You are my precious child.” John 1:12
•    “You are my friend.” John 15:15
•    “You are a saint.” 1 Corinthians 1:2
•    “You are a temple of my Holy Spirit.” 1 Cor. 6:19
•    “You are worthy of great sacrifice.  I have traded the life of my Son to save you and call you my own.”  Eph.1:7
•    “You were created with great purpose.”  Ephesians 2:10
•    “You have been set free from sin.  Whatever has happened, you get a fresh start.” Romans 8:2

To view ourselves as God defines us is of immeasurable importance.  His view frees us to live in grace, extend grace to others, and believe that God is not limited by our conditions.  A sense of value and importance is instilled into our lives with the expectation that God intends to live through us, as He made us to be.  There is something of God’s character that he wants to express uniquely with us and through us.  There is redeeming, healing, loving, encouraging and restoring to do all around us.  Have you noticed?  He wants you to join Him in what He is up to in the world.  It is an open invitation!

It is not that our conditions or circumstances are not important, but we are not to allow ourselves to be defined by them.  In fact, God will use our ‘conditions’ not to define us, but to refine us.  In his beautiful economy, somehow he can turn hardship and suffering into good.  (Romans 8:28)  Even when we cannot see it, we can trust that God will make good on his promises.

Reviewing our life stories can help us to discover where we have allowed our circumstances to define us – when God intends to use those same circumstances to refine us.  When we walk the path of remembering with God, He is faithful to bring us back to the broken places of our story to replace lies with truth.  He ALWAYS has our best interest in mind.

Prayer
Dear Father,
Please help us see ourselves as you see us, and see our circumstances as You see them.  Replace and heal the marred views we have of ourselves, of others, and of our circumstances that keep us from welcoming whatever refining you are doing in us so that we can boldly join you in what you are doing in the world.  Amen

Scripture
“We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!” 1 Corinthians 13:12 (MSG)

Questions
•    How do you define yourself?
•    What implications does that have on the choices you make?
•    Are any of God’s definitions of you hard to take in?  Why?

If you are interested in getting clarity on defining or refining your life story, please consider using as a guide, “Listen To My Life: Maps for Recognizing and Responding to God in My Story” by Sibyl Towner and Sharon Swing.

Sharon Swing is an author, retreat leader, speaker, artist and consultant with interests in life story as a spiritual development tool, crafting experiences that give God space to do what he does best, art as a spiritual pathway, and change. With Sibyl Towner, she has co-authored Listen to My Life: Maps for Recognizing and Responding to God in My Story. For more information, visit http://www.onelifemaps.com/. She is an organization development consultant specializing in planning, meeting facilitation, leadership development and change management. For more information, visit http://www.swingconsulting.com/.

Reprinting and republication of this article is permissible in its entirety, with full attribution, including the paragraph above. Please let us know you’ve found it useful.